chopitoff

whoops... did I mention I also have ADHD and often lose focus on or interest in things. Anyway I got slack and forgot to continue with the blog... so to anybody reading this here's the scoop FOURTEEN MONTHS after the previous post.

Things are great now. My only regret is that I didn't get the operation sooner. I have no sensitivity now, although I still wouldn't try hitting it with a hammer or setting it on fire - but no sensitivity that prevents me from anything that is day to day and that includes sex - GREAT sex.

I've had the best sex of my life since getting the chop. I also feel more comfortable in bed with people, and now have a steady partner. YAY. It's been a happy ending.

I hope if you are reading this, and that if you are in the same position I used to be in, that you will take this journey as well. From discomfort, depression and extreme pain before to no problems and easy streeet today.

It's worth it.

I recommend it.

Good luck.

I'm sorry I haven't posted for ten days.

I've had better things to do than worry about discomfort, sensitivity, pain or general lifestyle nuisance. Reason? There really has been very little.

I'm now showering without a problem, sensitivity has dropped even further. I can jerk off, although I find using a condom makes it easier - like the good old days when I had a foreskin... which was the ONLY good thing having a tight foreskin was good for.

All the stitches are now gone. The last one finally dropped out over the weekend. You can still see where they were, and it is a mild but not to ugly scar, but apparently that will fade within three months. There is also a bit of a toughness or a ring underneath the skin where the new 'join' has been made. That, Doc Esh says, will take up to 18 months to soften up and fade away. Until then I'm not bothered because it doesn't look out of place and it's only mild.

So yep things have turned out pretty sweetly for me. But this blog is not over yet.

Not by a long shot.... or wad.

I still haven't had sex, and as much as I can't wait to try it, I can't help but feel that I've got something a little new done there and I don't gonna go breaking it. Like driving a Porsche out of a dealership and into a tree......

Plus I am STILL a little sensitive. Mostlyh on the underside because I think sat in my underwear it gets the least exposure. That area is always a bit warm and moist - there is no denying. But the rest of the glans I can touch no now problem, even rub... perhaps a little cautious still with the 'meatus' - the very tip - but I think it's just following suit and in a months time will be fine.

When I'm wearing a condom I could just about slap it around like a whip - whooooo! Now don't think I'm weird for using a condom without actually having sex. I just wanted to make sure I could get back in the habit of using them - kind of 're-learning to use them' in preperation for.......

... the next post which will hopefully be about my first post chop Sexual Encounter!

STAY TUNED!

I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post.

But hey what's been to report? Things seem to have been getting better and better. I'm down to just two stitches now - from an original ten or so. Once the last two have fallen out I will feel like I really am getting back to normal.

I'm amazed at how quickly the sensitivity has dropped. Now don't get me wrong it's still there and BOY is it still sensitive, but things like showering, walking, sleeping, going to the bathroom and generally putting on and off underwear has become far less of a drama.

In terms of lifestyle I am pretty much completely back to normal.... well without propper masturbation or sex but at this rate give it a few weeks.

I can now most times touch the glans right up to the tip without any problem AT all. There is sometimes a bit of uncomfortable sensitivity at the very tip - the meatus - but it's not enough sensitivity to ruin my day. And I'm sure it will go down over time.

RUBBING the skin is still rather sensitive, but that's just IT: it has become sensitive and I can no longer say that it is painful. Once upon a time it wasn't just painful either - it was EXCRUCIATING! Thos days are gone thank god.

So I will keep on keeping you all posted. So far so good. I'm not even up to week three yet and I'm feeling very positive and glad that I have taken this step.

I'm thinking within a few months I may even be at the stage where I will forget that there was ever a problem. Touch wood. No pun intended there by the way.

Anyway it's Saturday and Fridays hangover is still riding with me. Better get some rest in before my partying lifestyle kicks back into gear again tonight. Saturdays are always much more fun.

Speak soon.

It's been thirteen days since Doc Eshman (that's his name) chopped it off.

I have to say I am getting more and more positive by the day. I even managed to jerk off again last night. Well I wouldn't call it jerking off - more of a bizzare frenzied desperate act - but it did the bloody trick.

I am now wearing underwear without sticking to the inside of them too much. This is good. It means that when I go to the bathroom I don't have to peel myself off my underwear, which was an uncomfortable thing to do. There is still sensitivity when my glans are RUBBED, but little to none now when merely touched. The only difference being when they are wet or sticky there is still some sort of mild pain when I pull my finger away - but when dry no drama. The rubbing of course includes inside my underwear as I walk so it's two steps forward one step back. But the mild discomfort from walking now is only helping to speed up my path to a less sensitive manhood so NO PAIN NO GAIN.

In any event, I'm expecting that even when wet the touch will be pain freee within a week or two, and that perhaps within two to three weeks rubbing will be fine too.

BIG NEWS IS:

Saw Doc Eshman today for the first time since the op. He said it looks fine and things are progressing well. He asked if I could touch my glans - I said "Too right I can!". According to the Doc it should be anytime after four weeks or so before I'm ready for - wait for it.... SEX!!

Although possibly up to six weeks (bummer). Deppends when I'm ready said Eshy. ANd when I do finally jump to the head of the queue I am to take it easy first few times.

So all is good good good. I can say I am chin up and looking forward not backward.

More soon.

Things have been getting better - although slowly.

First thing is first. Today care of some porn, I managed to create enough 'movement' down there to get rid of, shall we say, twelve days of pent up pressure. Thank god!!

It seems I'm now at a point where thouching the glans is becoming easier, and I've even moved over to wearing undewear some of the time. Gauze and dressings? Those things are sooo last week. And although it's uncomfortable in underwear, and sometimes the tip of my penis sticks to the undies and is painful to remove, I figure these are the things I NEED to go through to further desensitise.

According to my best googling, a process called Keritinization (spelling?) is slowly taking place. This means that the newly exposed skin on the glans is, over time, toughening up by being expsosed to anything from the air, to bedsheets and now underwear. A little bit of helpful massage today may be helping the cause though.

One thing though, I can now TOUCH without a problem. Sometimes a bit more sensitive at the very top around the meatus, but when things are wet or when I move or rub or create fritcion in any way that still creates a painful sensation.

Last week I couldn't even touch. Next week I'm hoping I can rub. Perhaps in a few weeks hen the stitches are out I will be able to do a lot more 'rubbing' - perhaps even something more than rubbing. Yes sex would be great - but it seems soooooo far away which is depressing.

I am surrounded by my friends and their boasts of sexual conquests. You'd be amazed or possibly turned off by the ammount of sex my friends have. I like to think it always makes for some good stories. *Sigh - anyway I hoper to join them... well not THEM.... but you know what I mean.

This keritinization process apparently takes around three weeks or so, but I am personally banking on four for myself, or maybe even five to SIX weeks considering I had a LOT of sensitivity to begin with. In anyway event I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel because ast least I am MONITORING things as getting better over time.

Seeing the Urologist on Monday. Will see what he says and report back to the blog!

PS. Thanks for the posts of support!

I've gotta say it's an effort me to be posting today.

I feel like shit. And yes perhaps that hass something to do with the fact that I had a little too much wine last night - and THEN my flatmate decided to break out a bottle of Port.

In all honesty though I think I am slipping into a mild depression. I'm sick of the pain. I wanted to take a walk today with my ipod to get the oxygen and blood pumping and cheer myself up but of course.... moving... can't go to fast so that was out.

Today I haven't left home. I had a bath. I watched some tv. I feel like the restricted lifestyle I've currently got is finally starting to take it's toll. I think not being able to masturbate for a week, and to have PAIN as the result of any sexual arousal is probably not too damn healthy.

And although I'm not as sore as I was previously, I feel like the sensitivity of my glans has gotten to a point where it is now not changing. I seem to have reached a level of uncomfortability that on a depressing bad dsay like today makes me fearful that this situation im in is for good. I know that is a stupid thing to say - but I guess I needed to vent it.

I guess I was a bit upset earlier today when, after having that bath, I tried to get dressed WITHOUT using my compression bandage and the gauze thing - instead opting to try just plain old underwear. Well that was a mistake. I'm glad nobody was around to hear me yelping from the pain!!!!

Oh, but on the lighter side, I bought a "cricketers cup". If you are American you will need to know that this is a plastic guard piece for your manhood worn by people playing criket so that they don't get their pride and joy smashed by a cricket ball (think baseball) accidentally going SMACK at a hundred miles an hour. It's sad that I have had to do this - but you have to admit it's pretty bloody funny!!!!

NOTE: I think it's important to clarify right now that anybody reading this blog who DOESN'T have sensitivie glans - as in glans that are painful to the touch - won't have to go through what I am going throuh. I'd hate to misinform somebody due to a communicative slip-up and scare somebody off going through with a circumcision.

** Sigh - anyway I'm having a crappy day and being very negative. I'm sure all will contineu to get better. I just don't know when. Fingers crossed.

Woke up with a raging hardon today! (errection)

Trust me it is not pretty and far from sensual to wake up in pain as something that is supposed to be 'so big' is trying to be 'SO BIG' but with stitches saying 'Oh nooo you don't'.

Anyway I thought this morning the stitches would be enough to send any arousal packing it's bags as soon as the registry of pain = no fun happened but no deal. So off I hobbled to the bathroom, half bend over like a 90 year old man with a crook back.... to clean my teeth - the one thing that always makes me lose an errection (I think it's a psychological thing).

To the toilet then and then straight into the shower, which I must admit I am getting more and more comfortable with. I'm also getting more comfortable with my whole 7 part then repeat ritual of going to the batrhoom. It's still a pain (no pun intended) but it's LESS painful every time and less time consuming.

I think the skin on the glans of my penis has started to toughen up - like a high school nerd, who through working out at the gym, develops some confidence in the hope that oneday he will kick the football jocks ass. Well right now I'm aiming for oneday being able to masturbate again - kicking ass can come much later!

Also, I DID go out last night after dinner with friends. I hobbled into one of my favourite bars for a while, but not feeling like I could move to the music or even socialise without being guarded, or paranoise of being bumped into by crowds - I left and went home. Oh well.

Tonight is Saturday but I think I'll save myself for next weekend instead. By that time I will perhaps be without my compression dressing and my sexy stocking gauze underwear.

As I write this post I'm busting to go to the toilet. I've been darting around the house doing the first bit of cleaning that I've felt up to since my operation. Although in the last twenty four hours I HAVE been out of the house a few times, I've been taking it easy. Cleaning is a chore.
And although I'm not down on my hands and knees scrubbing (bending over or leaning down seems to strain my stiches) I am otherwise working up a sweat.

But why busting for the bathroom? Well going to the bathroom is still a bit of an ordeal. It's not as simple as drop the pants and go nuts. Here is the rutual:

1. Clean hands and sterilize with some antiseptic alcohol (being careful)
2. Drop pants to floor so they don't get in the way
3. Remove shirt if it gets in the way, and then underwear
4. Finally reach inside the GAUZE (stocking style underwear) under my underwear and INSIDE that again is the compression dressing....
5. Hold the compression and it's valuable cargo as still as possible and push gauze down to join underwear
6. NOW... slowly unrawp gauze. OUCH OUCH OUCH as the bits of the wounds that have stuck to it have to break away and then carefully maneurvre myself to the toilet
7. Being careful not to bang it around before or after OR get it rubbing aginst sterilized but probably still dirty toilet seat, stand back up and repeat steps 1 to 7 - IN REVERSE!

It's slow and it's painful, ahtough getting quicker and less painful by the day. Today I'm finding it more of a laborious pain in the ass and mildly uncomfortable than anything else... but still - what a drama!

NOTE: It's a much quicker action after a few glasses of red wine. Builds confidence, tolerance to pain, and generally heightens sense of 'Ahhhhh I'm not bothered-ed-ness'.

Due out for drinks at a friends place tonight. Hope it doesn't lead to an allnighter cos I will surely get TOO drunk, TOO confident and end up podium dancing my way into pulling a few stitches.